retracing my steps

once upon a time, there was nothing i loved more than singing. that time extends to now, honestly, but since then an injury broke both my voice and my heart. every now and again i indulge my musical longing; it gives me the same thrill as drunk-texting an ex. last spring i gave a recital and tonight i gave into my urge to listen to it:


http://www.firsttune.com/upload/chelsea.html

http://www.firsttune.com/upload/Extase.mp3

of course, most of it makes me self-critical and angry. i'd be no artist if i actually liked what i created. however, give "extase" a close listen. something about that piece speaks directly to my heart. it's like i wasn't even singing it. the piece just landed before my lips for me to blow out into an audience and a live recording.

like all of the best music, i still can't figure out what it really means.